Don’t wait for high tide: action-first confidence
What if I told you that feeling confident can be like the tides in the ocean? (As a Maine-based consultant, the seacoast is always on my mind) At times, the tides are high and waves are crashing onto shore with great force and presence. And at other moments, the tides are far out at sea, retreating until the water comes to shore again. Like the ocean, feelings of confidence or sureness often show up in waves: sometimes in full force and steadfastness when perceived competence is high, and conversely, retreating when perceptions of skills are low. But, how can we navigate this low tide?
The answer lies not in controlling the tide, but using core anchors to keep you grounded regardless of the current. Let’s dive in..
Authenticity. When we take time to ask ourselves: Who am I? What do I value? And what do I stand for? we outline an internal compass - or to keep with the ocean theme, a lighthouse - that guides our actions and shines light on how we navigate challenges, adversity, and triumph. True confidence appears when we embody the strengths we have and what is most important in our lives. Because, when there is misalignment between our values and behavior, the competing forces lead to distress, loss of passion, and potential performance breakdowns.
Confident actions first, confident feelings later. Russ Harris, author of The Confidence Gap, outlines this action-first practice in the four-step Confidence Cycle outlined below:
Practice the skills
Apply them effectively
Assess the results
Modify as needed
(pg. 29-31)
To illustrate this cycle: if I am trying to improve my stick skills in hockey, I may not feel confident the first time I try to beat a goalie 1v1 in a high stakes shootout. Instead, I can practice this skill on my own time, apply it during game-like scenarios in practice, and assess the results of trying (Did I deke at the right time? Was the five-hole open? How was my speed?) and modify it for next time. And the cycle continues.
When we step out for a high pressure game or competition, simply wishing for confidence to appear is not reliable. Feelings of confidence come after repeated practice, application of skills, reflection, and adaptation because as we step outside our comfort zone and put our training to the test, we have opportunities to build evidence. Evidence to remind ourselves that we have been in this high pressure moment before and have responded accordingly. Evidence that making mistakes produces learning and not permanent failure. Evidence that we have what it takes to modify our game plan or training to respond to the demands of our environment.
But, none of this evidence appears if we wait to feel 100% confident. Courage is required.
Courage. Feeling scared, nervous, unsure, and taking action anyways. Acknowledging nervous or uneasy feelings that come up during a challenge is not a sign that your tide has gone out to sea for good. It is a sign that you are stepping on the shoreline of growth. Having courage is the willingness to try and lean into the discomfort, knowing that every step towards improving is another piece of evidence, whether it is a win, a mistake, or a new skill mastered. And it is with this courage that full trust in ourselves and how we respond develops, strengthens, and guides us through the tides.
References
Harris, R. (2011). The confidence gap: A guide to overcoming fear and self-doubt. Trumpeter Books.
Jones-Smith, E. (2021). Theories of counseling and psychotherapy an integrative approach. SAGE.
